Thursday, January 31, 2008

Lost and Found Part 2

So as I promised last night... more to follow... and here is the follow up. I hate starting things off with a "It all started back in..." but it kind of did start off that way. I was all gung ho about evangelizing the world. I went back to college via the Distance Learning Program at Liberty Univierstiy. I was street preaching in downtown Toronto, Ontario and handing out Way of the Master tracts in my hometown of Syracuse, NY. This was in 2006. During this time period I had lost a fairly good job and was working at the local Rescue Mission some crazy hours to make up for the lost income. Now I need to back track a bit and say that the whole Rescue Mission job started off as a volunteer gig I was doing on the side that a friend had suggested to me from my church as a way to meet some guys who might be interested in hearing the Good News. After I lost my regular job, the volunteering gig turned into two jobs. One as an overnight team leader in the men's shelter, and the second job as a chaplain. Afer being there for a year that job came to an end and I was back in my field as a network engineer at a large archtichtural/engineering company here in Syracuse. I had bought a new car and had a great new apartment. Things were really looking up. In fact, I had just returned from a fantastic trip to Los Angeles and was heading to New Hampshire both were for business but obviously these trips had pleasure built in. Now, when I say pleasure built in, I am not saying over the top debaucherous pleasure. I am saying that I didnt lock myself in my room after my meetings and didn't enjoy myself. In fact quite the opposite. If you were to see me on any of these trips you would probably not think to yourself "that is a Christian man". I more often than not was at the bar, talking to women and acting more like the world, than like a Christian. It was also at this time that the woman that used to cut my hair told me that one of the girls in her salon was "in love" with me. Which... I was elated that she had a crush on me.

I had gotten to know this girl over a one year period and had become quite enamored with her. Truth be told I had a crush on her too. I had seen this girl go through a very terrible personal traumatic experience and she had reminded me of myself, we both had gone through very similiar experiences in our lives. I seen a woman with a tender heart and I fell in love with that heart. The problem was I placed my relationship with her above my relationship with Christ. I moved away from Christ long before I became involved with her and as I became involved with her I wasn't able to give her the help she so desperetely needed because I was now lost and blind... how can a blind man lead another who is blind? At any rate, you can probably see the the handwriting on the wall... the relationship didn't work out. I didn't take it well and it has caused me some personal issues in my life... issues I am still dealing with now. The relationship is over and has been over. I still care very deeply for her but have moved on. I have realized that I tried to mix the flesh with my Christian walk with catastrophic results.
So... where am I at now...? more to come

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Lost and Found

After days of procrastinating wondering what I was going to write, especially after such a long hiatus, albeit not necessarily a pleasant one, I finally decided to sit down and type out some words and see where it leads. First, I wasn't even sure I wanted to keep this blog up any longer. Truth be told, I found myself (that is such a strange statement, as if I suddenly, without knowledge awoke to find myself somewhere else...) very far from the Lord. This site started off as a wonderful site to evangelize the lost and I myself became "lost". Which begs the question... was I ever found/saved? Well in a short answer "Yes" I was and am "saved", but I was lost and I am trying to find my way back to fellowship with my Lord. So in saying that, I have decided not to close this blog but to change the format of the blog.

As I previously mentioned, I was going to close this blog and create a new one that was a theological blog. One that dealt with doctrine and dogma because I am dealing with issues in my life, issues of faith that have caused me to questionmy security as a believer. These questions have cut to the very core of the doctrinal belief system that most believers hold so dear. Some of these questions concern things such as sin, eternal security vs. conditional security, salvation, eternal life, hell, judgment, atonement, Jesus' commandments, repentance, being "born again", humility, love, mercy, forgiveness, faith, justification, sanctification, and God's sovereignty. For most folks these issues are settled, they go to church, they listen to there pastor or priest and they don't give a second thought to the destiny of their soul. Most people sin with impunity. I too have sinned with impunity. I have sinned recently willingly and knowingly to my shame. I have decided not to write another theological blog. There are more than enough blogs out there written by folks a whole lot smarter than I that can handle the theology end of things. In fact, one of my favorites, "Pyromaniacs*is written by a team of fantastic theologians one of whom is Phil Johnson of whom I've had the pleasure of having a couple of my doctrinal questions answered by Phil in the past via email. Now if you are not familiar with Phil Johnson or that crew, please check out their site. Phil is also one of the editors for John MacArthur and I believe serves as a pastor at John's church. Tomorrow I will tell you what happened, where I've been, and hopefully where I plan to be... more to come...

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